empty room

Yesterday, I went into the empty bedroom that would have been the nursery, sat down in the floor, cried, prayed, and asked for answers. I was in their for a good portion of the day it seems, and as I prayed, I came so some answers, and discussed them later with the husband.

I want to come back up to Chattanooga, I work their. The fact that I am taking online classes this semester, I have the opportunity to put in the paper work to transfer, without missing out on on a this term. My family is in Chattanooga, I would love to be closer, and we've been looking for homes anyhow. I want to use this to push us into better things. God has no mistakes, only plans, and I believe, though it's tough, that God is articulating a master plan for us.

What do you think?

lets try this again...

I'm angry, and I can't yell, I can't curse the one I'm angry at, because I don't know who I am angry at. I've asked myself a million times since this happened, "what did I do, whats wrong with me, why did this happen?" I thought, at first, when all my family was around that I could make it through this, but now I'm not sure. I thought I could say, God needed her more. 

Me? This isn't suppose to happen to me, to us...

I've been paralyzed, so quiet, talking to God. Praying for strength, begging for him to listen. I hope the strength I seek will come in time, but how could I possibly go on without this baby, my angel, someone I loved before ever seeing...

If it is Gods will that we have a family, our children will know about her, they will know that they have an angel looking down. 

Please Lord, I pray to you, give me strength

so hard...

I erased the previous blog because I am not as ready to talk about this as i thought...

Add me!!

I made a facebook :)

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1221380283&ref=profile

Cathy =)

I'm just now getting the chance to say that e found the perfect midwife, her name is Cathy. We visited her home yesterday, it's beautiful, and she is sooooo nice! 

She is older, and has been doing this for a LONG time, and I feel comfortable knowing that she has the experience and knowledge that assures a safe peaceful birth.

We've exchanged e-mails, so I can contact her whenever with questions and report things and changes immediately, we can also discuss such things as the option of water birth, and just everything that you can think of. I feel good about her, she feels like family.

When the time comes, my grandparents, parents, and his parents will be there waiting in the living room, just as they would at a hospital. Only my mother and Husband will be back with me, my doola, and Midwife in the "birthing room". That's as far as I've got... heh!

OH!!

Names, we've been thinking ALOT about names lately...

Some boy names we like are Bryce, Brendon, and Aiden

Some girl names we live are Caroline and Skyler

Note that this is subject to change about a million times